I'm lost

Don't know if I'd delete this later or not. But just like this post's title, I'm feeling lost. I often think about the reason I live, my life goal... there was time when I was so sure about what I'm going to do with my life. Now, I don't know anymore. I'm still doing anything I can, but it's just like.... what for?

I somehow realized that adulting is such a lonely journey, my past self would never admit that "I AM LONELY" but now, I can say that easily. Actually, I was lonely sometimes but I always said that "I'm okay, I didn't feel lonely at all." Which was totally lie. I cried myself to sleep and no one knew because I don't like to show my weak side. Why am I writing this right now? Hahahhaa, I think sometimes it's okay not to be okay, huh :p

I tend to overthink and it's killing me. Maybe I'll be fine tomorrow tho, maybe this is just midnight thoughts... I don't even blog so often now, when it WAS my life, the thing I love the most. I used to blog because I love to share, but when it became one of my income source, I forgot the original purpose: to share. Can't be hypocrite tho, I need money to pay bills, I need money to survive. Now it's my job to make it balance, to give more organic posts; share about things I love. I miss blogging, that's why I'm writing this right now :))

There is much more I want to write about this blogging/ content creator stuff, but maybe next time? I will write more posts about my thought (hopefully). I need to go back to my editing work now, another thing I do to survive the life, lol. Sooo relieved after pouring this out here :)

About Body Positivity

Just want to express some of my thoughts. I've read a lot of articles about body positivity (yeah, I DO have issues with it), about how we should love our body in whatever state/shape it is, how we should ignore the 'standard', etc. But in the end, I think that IF we can change for the better, why not? If there's anything I can do to look better and make me feel happier, why should I stay at current state? The important point here is: Do it because you love your body, not because you hate your body. Do it because you want to change, not because people ask you to change ;)

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Question is, Are You Really Happy?

This question just suddenly appeared on my mind when I saw my outfit pics. We all know that it's impossible to be happy ALL THE TIME. This made me think about how people can hide their emotion with a smile, or to be frank, on their Instagram feed. Tbh, I was not the happiest I could be that day, but somehow the photos just turned out like that. I look so happy in this photo. 

My conclusion is, not everything you see in Instagram feed (or anywhere) is beautiful reality. We don't know the story behind, or how we are all struggled to reach that certain point in our life. In the end, just don't compare your life with what you see in the internet. Keep doing things you love and stay true to yourself, Dreamers!

Oh, I love my outfit that day, tho.

I didn't plan the color combo of black, white, and yellow but it turned out really nice!

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Instagram Outfits + 2018 Goals

Hi, before publish my Japan trip in Osaka, I will write this one first because that one takes so many time and I already neglecting this blog for so long. I decided to write this post because I think these days I rarely post outfit photos in blog because it's not taken with (mirrorless) camera and it's only one pic therefore it's not "worth-it" and I just posted in Instagram. Here are the three of them and I can say it's all my "lazy outfit", hahaha. Don't know why I'm so lazy to dress up these days and just put on any comfortable outfits without looking too laid-back or lancai. You will also notice that I prefer bring sling bag rather than backpack like last year. 

I wore this to meet my cousins and spent one day with her. We just planned to go to the malls and accompanied her to shop so I just grabbed the simplest + comfiest outfit from my closets. I actually can say this is a boyfriend look (even though I don't have one lol), I love seeing boys in Korean drama wearing plain t-shirt, neat trousers, and sneakers so I applied it on myself :")

Here is another duty outfit, this time I accompanied my another cousins to go to Pondok Indah Mall. I kinda stepped out of comfort zone to wear this outfit, because I thought I wouldn't look good in oversized top + oversized flare pants (culottes) but actually it's turned out ok. Somehow looked like Korean style, plus it's also comfortable. So, don't be afraid to explore and mix and match your clothes + find your personal style!

This last one was taken last Sunday, I went to a mall to meet my friend and also accompanied my mom afterwards. This oversized dress is one of the "free" items I got from This Is April for winning their giveaway (will recap it in one post someday). It's so comfyyy and easy to wear, make you still looking stylish even on the laziest day to dress up. Bored to wear sneakers all the time, I thought it'd be cute if I wore it with my bows sandals.

I actually planned to just keep this to myself and maybe will reveal it at the end of the year, but okay I'll write some here. Just the general and basic ones. Here are some of my realistic goals this year: 
💖 Stay true to myself and try to think happy/positive thought
💖 Eat healthier, Workout more
💖 Learn new skills (I really want to learn Japanese properly)
💖 Unlock new travel destination abroad

💖 Blog more (I feel kinda bored lately T.T)

Yeah...something like that. I try to set some achievable goals this year and will work hard to make it all happen ;) Jaa, see ya on the next post! (should be in Sunday)

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Need to Write This So I Can Keep Going

Oh, hi there Dreamers! Decided to write this because my mind is such a mess, over-thinking about my own life and the so called my passion- blogging. There are a lot of things running in my mind right now, mostly not that important actually, hahaha. I don't even know if I'm on PMS or just being annoyed with everything. I started crying as my bad PMS a few months back and it's just...weird, lol. I'm a crybaby to begin with, so yeah.... whatever.

I'm on this phase where I doubt my blogging passion. I used to do it because I love it, a lot. But you know, nowadays this blog is also one of my income source, and it makes me comparing my progress with another bloggers- which is not good, toxic, and killing me. I do feel guilty when I write too many sponsored posts in one time, but I also need money to make my traveling dreams come true (I try to be realistic too). That's why I try really hard to balance out my blog with personal posts like outfit post or traveling/ Japan posts. I mean, I really try hard because I also work full time and I'll be tired when I got home and don't want to do anything (okay, this sounds like stupid excuse but I think anyone who works in Jakarta will feel me). I feel like I lost my actual purpose of blogging. Why do I feel down whenever others "do better" than me? I mean, it's not that I'm doing bad. I'm doing good, I know God has planned everything, but just....full of negativity and I hate it. I want to be more grateful and positive blogger- or person. 

One of many things that lingering in my mind right now is Instagram growth. I know, I know number is just a number. But it's super heartbreaking to see your stuck progress- gain some followers to lost more followers. It's also every bloggers problem, and IG algorithm to blame. To be frank, I won't buy any (fake) followers because I mean, what's the point? From brand's point of view, number of your followers does affect their decision to use you or not. This is my exact problem, I need to stop thinking that I'm doing all of this for business sake. I NEED TO REMIND MYSELF THAT I BLOG BECAUSE I LOVE IT. I NEED TO KEEP DOING WHAT I CAN DO, WITH MY BEST EFFORT. See, I feel like crying HAHAHA. I need to go back on track and find my motivation again. No more negativity and crazy mood swings. I wish. 

So, thank you if you're reading to this point. And sorry if this post is so negative and full of whining  :))) I wish I can overcome this very fast and giving my very berry bestttt 💪💪💪  I feel better now, hahaha.

Rediscovery: My Purpose of Blogging

Yes, you read the title right. I got lost in the blogging-confusion for several months before my Japan trip. That's why I dare to say that my Japan trip was the BEST decision ever made in my life. I realized a lot of things and I'm trying to do better and being a better and more positive person right now.

I was caught in my own thoughts and confusion about my blog. I still have passion in it, obviously. I've been blogging for more than 7 years and it's not possible without my love for blogging, is it? I was just so confused about the future of this blog, lol. Which direction is it heading? I felt like I didn't move anywhere while a lot of new bloggers out there is getting successful. 

I was so stressed about my instagram followers that's so hard to gain, while some of people out there gained their followers super fast (okay, I have no idea if it's organic or not). It's not that I care about the followers too much, but most of clients see how many your followers are. And you see now, how I lost my purpose of blogging. I started my blog because I love it, because I know it can be something to help me make my dream come true. But in the end I care too much about how I can live from blogging or the so called influencer or celebgram you name it. I was wondering how some bloggers are getting invitation to most of events and I was not. I'm not jealous, really. Then again, beauty is not really my 'field' so I don't want to be upset about it. Something forced is not good, I told myself. I'm not the type to approach people with intention so yeah, fortunately. Hahaha.

When I'm in Japan, I didn't even think to upload anything on Instagram because I enjoyed my time too much. I lost followers and I didn't even care because I was just happy. That's when I realized I don't need to force anything. I just need to do my thing and the right people will notice. What's the point of having a lot of followers but some of them are not even real and don't like your photos or read your blog? My value doesn't depend on how many my followers are. Hey but if you love my pics please follow me, lol. Another important thing is, don't compare your blog with the others because everybody has their own style and own pace. Comparison is the thief of joy, you see :)

Conclusion: I love blogging even more now, I will write anything I love and whatever I want to share with you; either it's my personal style, cafe recommendation, travel destination etc. I hope my blog posts can help you in any way or inspire you to do or wear something. I decided to do my things with my own style, because the hard work will pay off for sure. Please support me! ;))

Last but not least, this is also an outfit post! This is an old outfit, I still have a lot of posts queuing so please bear with it. Hahaha. I was having a bad hair day, that's why I tied my hair into a bun and wearing bandana. Bandana is my bad hair day savior, really. I suggest you to have at least a nice outerwear and basic shirt dress, in case you're lazy to dress up. Even a basic outfit will be fashionable with the help of nice outerwear. I also wear white sneakers to give a sporty look.

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Emergency Exit

Have you ever wished to run away from your life? I actually don't have that kind of thought, but I'll be lying if I say I never want to escape from certain things in my life. You know, something that hurts you so badly or something you're too afraid to do. Sometimes I wished I have an emergency exit from certain problems so I won't feel bad. But as time goes by, I realized those 'certain problems' are the one that will form you into a better and stronger person. My friend once said this: if you keep running away or you won't change your attitude about it, you will face the same problem again and again because you haven't passed that test. 

So, keep your head up and don't escape from your problems. It may sounds cliche but there's no problem with no way out. It may takes time, it may hurts you- so bad, but everything will turn out fine. 

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Year in Review: ありがとう 2016

Seriously, time flies so fast! It feels like yesterday when I was writing 2015 year in review and I'm writing another one here. A lot of things happened this year, good and bad, thankfully most of them are good things tho. I've learned a lot, I've met a lot of new people, I've done something I thought I wouldn't do (or feel), I've experienced something hurtful, I've tried new things, but on top of that I'm really grateful for this year. It's like a new world for someone introvert and don't-want-to-care person like me (please, no more "bodo amat" next year). Enough of blabbering, let's just hop to the point: highlights of 2016. Go!

Learn something big and important in my life: His timing.

I know it's too soon to get into slump but I did feel so depressed because there's nothing went as I wished for. I've graduated from university but not yet get a full-time job, I was freelancing tho. I was pressured to get a "proper job" because people were asking me "Have you found a job?", "Where are you working now?", "Why haven't you got a job? You've graduated right?" blablabla. It's not like I'm not trying, I tried but it just didn't go well. The worst thing was, I started to lost faith about God. It's like I didn't get what I prayed for. I failed here and there but in the end, I surrendered to Him and decided to keep in faith, once again. I was still trying tho, visiting job fair and stuff, hahaha. Then, suddenly, my friend told me that the place he's worked for was looking for designer and I decided to submit my CV and portfolio. It worked like magic, I was called for interview and test, then got accepted on the same day. You guess what, I didn't even talk to that friend for a long time although we're always in the same school. 

Got my first full time job

Ah yeah, you just read the long-story-short above ;p I'm still working there right now. I'm thankful that my first job offers me a lot to learn and it suits my passion too. I also meet a lot of great people who are much more experienced and told me about anything I need to know. And yeah........too many things happened because of this section of my 2016 life. HAHAHA *then cry* let what happened in 2016 stays in 2016 :")

Cerita Kita Contributor

Udah pengen ikut sebenarnya dari dulu, tapi emang karna banyak alasan aja akhirnya lupa daftar dan batal ikut. Tahun ini juga udah berkali-kali buka website mau daftar tapi ada aja alasan buat akhirnya close tab and forget about it for awhile. Nggak tahu juga gimana akhirnya I decided to sign in and realized my age already pass the age limit after I hit the submit button, hahaha. I actually grateful that I realized it after I submitted the form, karna kalau nggak aku pasti nggak akan daftar. Turned out that I was chosen as one of the finalists. Yeay! I chose fashion as my interest and asked to do styling + upload flatlay photo to Instagram. I didn't really expect to win but you know......I'm one of the winner and officially became the contributor for their website! So sad that this month is the last :(

Gogirl! Apprentice
Sometimes, one thing will lead to another thing. Because I was chosen as one of the Cerita Kita contributor, I was also offered to be the apprentice for Gogirl! magazine. Gogirl! is one of the most popular magazine in Indonesia and I've read it since forever. Who knows, one day I'll be writing for them? Although it's for their website (not for the published magazine), I still got a very amazing experience! I actually kinda worried I'm not good enought at first but turned out I still continue writing for them after the 3 months period :)

What We Like Featured Blogger

You see, as long as you want to try, opportunities will come find you. I saw some of articles on their website and turned out I can easily sign up and write there (not yet become their featured blogger) so I wrote my very first article: How to Style Sukajan. I forgot the exact time but they contacted me and offered me to be their featured blogger. How can I say no? I'm writing there since then, I think it's been 8 months now. I wish I can keep on writing good articles there! Oh, I must mention that thanks to this, I met a lot of new friends who share the same passion: poke Stevie Wong and Michele. I hope I can meet another fellow featured blogger in the future ;)

Write about 160++ articles (WhatWeLike, GoGirl, Cerita Kita)

I can't even count the exact number but I think I wrote a bunch of articles this year. Outfit post, product review, event report for this blog; articles for What We Like, Go Girl, and Cerita Kita. I'm also a content creator (animator, video editor, curator, motion graphic designer, you name it hahaha) at my office so yeah, it's already part of my life now. There's time when I feel overwhelmed and all I want to do is forget everything and sleep, but I really love what I'm doing right now.

Featured on Cosmo Girl! one full page!!!

Have talked about this in this post: Dreams do come true. It's like one of my biggest satisfaction this year :))

Dyed my hair

Okay...this is one of my best; craziest; bravest decision this year: dyed my hair pink, then turquoise-purple hair later. I've wanted to dye my hair since 2013 and my mom wouldn't let me. So when I already earn my own money, let's just go for it, lol. It felt so weird at first because I was afraid it didn't suit me, plus people were staring everytime I pass. As time goes by, I became more confident with my hair color, especially with this second color ;))

First step achieving my dream: checked!
Will tell you later! xD

Solo escape to Bogor

Yes...I got even crazier this year. I do love watching movies alone or sitting at the cafe and working on stuff alone, but this is the most random impulsive thing I did: escaping to Bogor just to ride bycicle at Kebun Raya Bogor and toge goreng hunting. HAHAHA. I was just too stressed about something and met too many people continuously at that time so I need to recharge myself alone *introverts problem*. Haven't posted about it at this blog tho :( I haven't edited the video T.T Will tell you more in the future post, okay?

I'm really blessed and grateful much more than last year because I got closer to God this year altough the process was kind of hard. A few weeks ago I heard some news about one of the studio that I failed to be accepted and really really thankful that God didn't let me get what I wished for back then. I learned that we can plan, but all the decision is with Him. That's why there's saying "Do your best and let God do the rest."
I don't think I do something big this year, but there are so much little things that make my life better. Butttt......I failed to do some of my 2016 resolutions such as: Making lookbook videos or any other fashion/beauty/lifestyle related videos T.T Will make it comes true next year!!! (Maybe new year resolutions in separated post, will see). That's it. Wish you a really HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! 

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Be Your Better Self

Because it's never too late to become a better person, right? I want to be a more positive person, for myself and people around me. I want to kill those bad habits especially my short temper. I want to be more patient. I want to work harder to achieve my dreams. I want to stop shopping impulsively and use money wisely. I want to be more confident and accept everything about myself.

So, I'm trying to make it all happen. I'm on shopping ban until next month, but I will do something this weekend. Just you wait, lol. I'm also chosen as one of the fashion workshop participants this weekend, so excited! I'm really thankful that I can do the things I love.

Wore this outfit to hang out with my Mom, and I actually made a vlog that day but I haven't edited it and I'm not even sure I will upload it, hahaha. The theme for this outfit is pastel kawaii outfit with a touch of denim. I wore my ice cream crop top from H&M, unbranded mint skirt, thrifted denim shirt, transparent pastel socks, and my favorite sneakers from New Balance. I really love this pair of transparent socks I bought at AEON Mall, but it's pricey so I just bought one *cry*. 

What do you do to become your better self? Tell me on the comment box below :))

Have Some Faith

Happy Sunday, dreamers! How's your week going? I (again) abandoned my blog for a whole week because some unexpected and unplanned things happened. I went out everyday and one day of them was a really bad day. Better not talk about it, hahaha. Let's just talk about the GOOD THINGS. The best news is....I finally got my first job which I think I'll love working there. Thank God and thank my friend who let me know about the vacancy :)) I want to remember this that's why I'm writing this. I forget things easily, you know. The key point here is: HAVE SOME FAITH, dreamers!

I've been looking for a job for a few months and things didn't go well as I expected. I applied a lot but no responses. Some gave responses, test, interview, but I got rejected. I was quite disappointed and those disappointments later become depression. I was not that depressed actually, but I did think a lot and my mind was a mess. I still have freelance job but I forgot to be thankful about that. I was too focus on my job seeking problem. 

Then a few days ago, after that bad day, I realized something and I prayed. I finally decided to take it easy and have some faith in God and myself, that everything will be fine and go as He planned. On the next day, I got an e-mail for job interview and it's 4 hours before the appointed time. I was excited and panic at the same time, lol. I got ready and went to the interview, thank God everything went well. I got the job and will start working this Monday! I can say that it suits my passions (design, writing, fashion, etc.) I can't thank God enough for this. I might be disappointed with those job rejections, but in the end I got the one I always wish for. "God's plans will always be greater and more beautiful than all your disappointments."

Dress- Cotton On // Cardigan- Hush Puppies // Socks- Uniqlo // Sneakers- New Balance // Necklace- Unbranded // Backpack- Zara

Now let's talk about my outfit, shall we? I wore this to Gandaria City on the first day of 2016. Just want to wear something simple with my new cardigan from Hush Puppies. I don't have a sleeveless black dress so I wore this but the dress' sleeves made my arm looked even bigger, lol. I just bought the necklace that day too. It's cute, isn't it?

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A reminder to myself

Because my mind is a mess right now.

10 Ways to Be Happy

"Being happy never goes out of style." - Lilly Pulitzer

Time flies so fast, it's already February now! As I grow older, I think time is flying even faster than before, maybe I just have much more things to do or I spent my time procrastinating-a little too much. You only live once, so make sure you spend your time wisely (this is especially for me) and be happy! 

Being happy is a choice. Don't let other people steal your happiness, because you're responsible for your own happiness. I know, sometimes it's easier to be not happy than being happy, just a sentence from the others can change our mood the whole day. Just a tiny bad situation yet we're calling it a bad day. I was that kind of person, my mood changed easily and it affected my attitude to other people. My dad used to say that the aura around me is so dark or dull, lol. Okay, it's not just my dad but a lot people said that. It's not easy to change, but I'm trying. 

Denim outerwear- Thrifted // Dress- Ambassador // Backpack- Zara // Socks- TLTSN // Sneakers- H&M

I think happiness is such a nice emotion or feeling, not just for yourself but also to other people around you. It's much more comfortable to be around positive or happy people than those who are negative, right? It's not hard to be happy, instead you just need simple things to be happy. So, how to be happy? Here are 10 ways to be happy from my experiences. Check it out!

1. Smile

This is the basic action to be happy: smile! :) There's always a reason to smile, you just have to find it. "Keep smiling because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about." -Marylin Monroe.

2. Be Thankful or Grateful

For everything. You're alive and can breath, you can read this post, you have a family, you have good friends, you have a dream to achieve, those bad things that made you stronger, you name it. Think about how blessed you are now. "Happiness isn't about getting what you want all the time. It's about loving what you have and being grateful for it." -theteenagerquotes.tumblr.com.

3. Be Positive

I'm actually still trying hard on this point. I tend to be overthinking and worry about everything. So, I have this ultimate spell when I'm stressed out: I'm amazing, so I can do it. Somehow it works for me. Rather than thinking about what could go wrong, we better think about how it could go right. "Forget all the reasons why it won't work and believe the one reason why it will."

4. Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

There will always be people who are beautiful than you, smarter than you, richer than you, etc. Comparison is a thief of happiness and I have proven it. I used to compare myself with other people, especially those who are in the same interests with me. "If you continuously compete with others, you become bitter, but if you continuously compete with yourself, you become better." -kushandwizdom.tumblr.com. So, from now on, just focus on yourself and forget others. You can use their success as your motivation but don't let them bring you down.

5. Do Your Hobbies

Another simple way to be happy is doing your favorite activities or hobbies. For me, it's blogging, drawing, watching, and reading books/manga. Do everything you love that will make you happy. As simple as that.

6. Meet and Talk with Your Favorite Ones

I'm actually an introvert and socially awkward so I don't really go out that often. But, I do love meeting and talking with my family and friends once in a while. I love it when I can talk about our dreams and passions to each other, or just sharing stories, or gossiping, lol. We usually just talk about food, tho ;p "Surround yourself with people you love being yourself with."

7. Eat Your Favorite Food

Eating is my ultimate weapon to be happy. I love to eat so much but I hate gaining weight. That's why I try to work out now, so that I can eat more, hah. Money can't buy happiness, but you can buy ramen [insert your favorite food here] and it's kind of the same thing.

8. Listening to Your Favorite Songs

Music is a therapy for our soul. My favorite music are K-pop and Hip Hop, I need to listen to the music while I'm working. Listening to cheerful and powerful music can help me to be more happy and cheer up too. Headphones on, world off. Some of the songs in my playlist lately are:

Twice - Ooh-Ahh

4 Minute - Hate

iKon - Dumb and Dumber

Kinsey - I'm in Love

Monsta X - Trespass

9. Sleep

Do I need to explain this one? Hahaha. I couldn't sleep that much back in my university life because of the assignments etc, so sleeping was the most luxurious thing to do to be happy. (Okay, I'm exaggerating.) Have a quality sleep after tiring day is sure can make you happier on the next morning.

10. Enjoy Your "Me Time"

This is my thing, guys. Others may say I'm weird because I love to go anywhere and do anything by myself, but it's one of my way to be happy. I enjoy locking myself in my bedroom, exploring new places alone, go to mall and eating alone, watch movie in cinema alone (and it's so often). One of my mission is to go solo traveling, I wish I could accomplish it. If you haven't done this, try it!

Above are my 10 ways to be happy, dreamers! I wish this post can help you to be happier person and enjoy your life to the fullest. What do you do to become happy? Leave your comment below :))

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About my outfit: I wore this outfit to meet my friend, Valens. We took photos of each other and talked about many things. I bought this dress at Ambassador for a cheap price but I forgot how much it was. I also wore this thrifted oversized denim outerwear to complete the look, it's one of my favorite item now. My outfit was fun thanks to this pair of Mickey Mouse platform sneakers from H&M and socks from The Little Things She Needs.

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